This is a re-post of a blog that I posted on Transformation.com back in February 2009.

Today someone on T.com made me cry!

Cry because they said something nice to me! They made me think. The strange thing was that not long before I read what they wrote I had been talking to them on the phone and I had been nervous of admitting who I am with regard to Religion and Spirituality.

In essence I was brought up a Catholic, went to a convent, went to mass every Sunday (at an earthly hour of the morning!); now add all the bells and whistles and that was part of my childhood.

But I grew up rejecting it – because in my head God would not make people as cruel and vindictive as the Nuns were, he would not constantly punish and belittle people, he would not knock self esteem and punish by ridiculing. I could not believe that anyone who was so loving that he gave his only son to save us – would want to cause so much unhappiness.

I liked to ask why – and how – and if  – and Yet  ………….. There was no patience, no explanation, no caring – just this is how it is – get on with it ………………

I listened to a CD by Iyanla VanZant, in fact I have listened to it time and time again in the last week or so, and she said so many things that made so much sense – and yet she also admitted to going through a phase where if she was told don’t do this or that – she would do it and some more – well that was me! Oh I did it and more and I reckon my mother needed to dye her hair to cover the grey I caused once I hit 15!

The thing is that now I look at that part of my journey and I do not regret it – I am sorry that I caused so much stress for my parents – but I believe that by actually travelling my journey myself – the lessons I learnt were stronger, deeper, more meaningful. The things I believe now are a real part of me and not just what I was told to believe or told to do.

You see I do believe – but I do not believe that God would ever want me to feel less than;

I believe he would nurture the good in me so that I became more aware;

I believe that he sent people like Iylana to earth to show us that it is ok not to be perfect;

I believe that it is ok to make mistakes;

I believe that it is ok to be human and that part of the joy is the fact that we can make mistakes and we can learn from them and he forgives us;

I believe that we have to live our own journey – that no one can travel it for us and that we are never dealt a hand in life that we cannot handle;

I believe that we have to experience things to learn them;

I believe that when I read words that give me ‘ah-ha moments’ it is a gift that comes at the right time to learn from lessons that I have already had – but did not see their purpose at that point in time……

I just believe…………………..

There is so much that I believe, so much that I have faith in, but I can honestly say that none of it is because someone else has told me that I have to believe that – It is all because that is what I have learnt, what I have discovered, what I feel – deep, deep inside me – right to my very core.

I believe I am a Spiritual being having a human experience –

I believe that it is ok to make a mistake – In fact I believe that there is no such thing as a mistake – just a learning opportunity

Oh I could go on and on (and usually do!) but that is enough for today

Love and Light ~ Gratitude and Faith

Jaki :)

 

“Your vision will become clear only when

you can look into your own heart….

He who looks outside, dreams;

He who looks inside, awakes.”

© Jaki Bent 2008 – 2015